Quotes that are Jokes

* The problem with political jokes is they get elected.     ~Henry Cate, VII * I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts.  After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough.  ~ Clarie Sargent , Arizona senatorial candidate   * We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.  ~Aesop   * If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.  ~Will Rogers   * Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.  ~Plato   * Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.   ~Nikita Khrushchev   * When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.  ~Clarence Darrow   * Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.  ~Author Unknown   * If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.  ~Jay Leno   * Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.  ~John  Quinton   * Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.  ~Oscar Ameringer   * The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. ~P.J. O'Rourke   * I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.  ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952   * A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.  ~Texas Guinan   * Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.  ~Gore Vidal   * I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.   ~Charles de Gaulle   * Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.  ~Doug Larson   * Don't vote, it only encourages them.  ~Author Unknown   * There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.   ~Will Rogers