Monday, January 23, 2012

Libertarians favorite salad: Lettuce alone !

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A young ardent student joins the communist party.

Party Official: My comrade, do you pledge to give up your riches to help your fellow man?

Student: Of course I do, private capital is the root of all evil.

Party Official: ....and do you promise to give up your home so that party officials can give it to those who need it most?

Student: Of course, the party is the best method to distribute resources to their best use.

Party Official.... and do you promise to give us your car, so that it can be used for the greater good?

Student: Of course. To keep a car for my own use would be selfish.
Party Official: ...and your clothes?

Student: Uhh...I'm not sure what you mean?

Party Official: Say for instance you own multiple tshirts but your comrade is naked?

Student: Well, the problem is....I actually do have two t-shirts.

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC-connected Excel spreadsheet with e-mail on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You're a U.S. Congressman,” says Bud.
“Wow! That's correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required,” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”

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